I am officiating their wedding soon. I’m going to lose myself in that experience for sure.

Saturday, May 1, 2010 was one of the most resplendent and soothing days that I can remember having in a long time.

I woke up at 10:15a to a shuffling best friend doing his normal morning routine while I gave the morning a stretch. I sleep very well on his futon.

We waited for his fiance, and my friend Vanessa to come about. We decided to go to a place, that as I couldn’t see what it was called on iLan’s monitor, I called Baby Cafe but later found out to be called Macrina Bakery and Cafe.

We waited outside and snacked on some pastries. I had a “Rocket Muffin” which was composed of an amazing strawberry preserve. So moist and delicious. We were finally seated about a half hour later. Famished and drooling we sat at the bar and ogled the menu. I chose the “Market Special” which was 2 eggs over easy, peas and onions with baked gnocchi, a salad, and some fantastic bread with more of that awesome preserve. iLan had a sub-satisfying granola, and Vanessa had a waffle that I could’ve grown old with. It was ginger infused and amazing. I recommend stopping by and having a nibble if you are ever there.

After breakfast, we drove back to the house for a brief stretch before heading out. I should say this now: The biggest part of what made the day so wonderful was the fact that both of these lovely people wouldn’t spill any of the destinations we were headed to. With that, I couldn’t have any set expectations, as much as I probed, and was thereby forced to just enjoy the journey.

With both of my kites, Louis and Carlos packed in the trunk, and a flashlight equipped for whatever reason that I wasn’t told, we drove to the Edmonds Kingston Ferry. What a spectacular first stop. The ride is maybe only 25-30 minutes, but just enough to relax, enjoy the air, and really take in some amazing views of the Sound. When we got to the other side, we drove into Kingston for a slice of pizza and a cup of coffee before continuing on.

Elton John played songs while I dozed in and out, feeling the travel, seeing green landscapes. Another pit stop. We swung by V’s old grandparents area and scoped some nice views, hung out on a wobbly dock, and drove through what used to be forest; now retirement residence.

Continuing on, we finally pulled into Fort Townsend. We parked the car, and walked a path up a hill. Still not sure what was happening, I kept joking that they were taking me to the woods to shoot me. Not exactly. Instead they surprised me with an amazing abandoned Naval base on a bluff! We explored all sorts of little pocket buildings before heading atop the base, which was a beautiful field. Perfect for flying kites and catching a spectacular view of the water as well as a couple bald eagles. We flew Carlos and Louis for about an hour or so before I was told we had to go or we’d be late…

More mystery.

We packed up the kites, headed back to the car and back to the ferry. While we waited for the ferry, we ran out the car and grabbed some amazing iced cream. I had lavender with honey. *swoony pants!*

Finally the ferry came, we boarded, played a little hide and seek, and then de-boarded. We then drove back to the house, iLan asked me what I packed to wear. I told him jeans, underwear, shirts, etc. He seemed a little sighish before retreating to the bedroom. Through the door I heard mumblings of, “I don’t know if he can wear that”…”Maybe these?”…”He can wear mine”…

I chuckled at my curiosity. Finally we got back in the car and drove to our destination. Getting wound through an industrial complex, I was back to joking about them plotting to kill me before finally iLan surrendered to asking me to tell him if I saw anything awesome around while we drove. We got a little turned around before finally pulling into a parking lot. A giant building was in my peripheral vision. I caught a glimpse of an open garage door and nearly emptied my bladder in excitement. A freaking warehouse filled with trampolines!! I completely forgot that I had just said on Twitter a few days before how I really wanted to go to a trampoline house. Vanessa had taken it upon herself to plan an amazing surprise. Needless to say I was like a kid at Christmas. I was a little hesitant at first, but after seeing everyone having such a great time, I “jumped” right in. The building was subdivided into a birthday area, a dodge-ball area, open jumping, a foam pit for doing crazy flips, and a supervised area for kids 8 and under.
I felt really old when I had a passing thought of, “Sheesh, insurance for this place must be pretty expensive.” The old guy in me took a backseat almost immediately after my second or third bound off the bouncy walls. I did front flips, side flips, back-ish flips, and face-plants into the foam pit. I’m still sore from how much jumping occurred. 2 hours later we left, and I had burned, in my approximation, 60000 calories. Hunger had set in.

We then retreated to Safeway for snacks, drinks, the works. The night ended watching old Sealab cartoons from Adult Swim and eating nachos. I passed out almost immediately.

That concludes one of the most beautiful days of my life.

Later Taters.

-G

Next up: Spunky Monkey Junky

I’m not one to let the readers of this blog, or the readers that are ported over from facebook, into my deeper personal affairs…because frankly, it is silly and unnecessary. However, I suppose it is appropriate for certain things…?…non?

For a little over the last 5 years I was dating a wonderful girl named Lesa. Her links are on the side bar…and you should click on them rapidly to see awesome pictures, stories, and be inspired. We’ve since evolved away from each other. Living together in that circumstance, among many other mental and physical issues that I deal with on a day to day basis have made life a little tricky lately. Lesa told me tonight that she is going to move out in a bit as it will make our friendship easier and her head hurt a little less. I totally understood…so we are trying to figure out where we are both going to live. She wants to stick around “here”…and I think I might either move a little closer in to downtown, or I might take up temporary shelter in a shared home situation or something to save a little green. Either way.

With that said, things just got a little more real. I am entrenching myself in work and creating a social wall. I was thinking about peoples walls on the way home. Some of my friends have walls made of cider block and steel while others have walls that are kind of like Tribbles. The tribble type wash you over with adorable character traits. They distract you with that so you’ll never be able to touch their reality; because…well…that is what those walls are built for. After analyzing this further. I realized that my wall consists mostly of a steep muddy grass hill that is so slippery it is almost not worth the effort so you’ll just walk around the side and avoid me altogether. I like the people that walk on my grassy hill; the people that have good boots, aren’t afraid to get muddy and can appreciate the view from the top once they’ve gotten there. That sounds a little contrived, but again, this is my blog…and I’ll say what I want.

“And all the effort that it took to get here in the first place, and all the effort not to let the effort show”…EBTG/Downhill Racer/Temperamental…great track. Look it up.

Part of me wants to disappear. I don’t know where I could go that my internal predator couldn’t find me. I need to unplug…to much screen glare, polygons, code, and pixels. I want to go camp. Get eaten by a bear…that’d be nuts. Poorly play my crappy guitar on a beach out the back of my van in the spring…too cliche. I could just shut up and get off my ass…but that wouldn’t be as self gratifying as complaining.

My thumb is no longer mutilated. This is a very significant thing. I remember exactly where I was and how old I was when I started doing this habit. I was 4 years old in the front seat of my mom’s car in Dearborn, Michigan driving to a fast food joint. I saw a little dry skin on my thumb and ripped it clean off. Ever since, that emotional connection to such a seemingly insignificant moment was one of few positive moments I’ve had with that lady. Comfort comes from the weirdest places. I think past that, this is the first time in my life that I concurrently have been single, out of school, with a job, and not much connection with anybody in a long long time. Perhaps since I was 4.

Life is silly.

+:

• washing my hands in warm water-It is like a hug for my hands
• vegetarian dishes
• ultra meaty dishes
• floor napping
• lasers
• robots
• collecting dust bunnies in swooping hand motions
• drawing congruent triangles
• climbing things unnecessarily-such as a half wall in mid-walk…ya know, just to mix it up a little.
• driving at night listening to jazz that I think my dad might like with the window down; especially if there is no particular destination
• walking in mud
• puddle jumping
• the duality of heart and earth by moving the ‘h’
• 1950′s era sci-fi styling
• really salty ham
• watches and wallets
• my eternal struggle with coming to terms with gaining control of surrendering control in life
• I secretly enjoy my social awkwardness…it makes me who I am
• artists that aren’t afraid to not use gradients when illustrating shadows…*see animation styling.
• the process of mental evolution
• being a glutton
• cross hatching to the point of ruining the drawing
• rubbing my face
• cutting construction paper
• unnecessarily shiny surfaces
• Rocco’s employee that blesses my food before I eat it with a magical wave of his hand
• the shape of cartoon hearts…I find them strangely erotic
• icy cold water to drink
• water that has been sitting out to drink
• ripping off my toenails
• kicking gathered snow out of wheel wells of cars-even better if it breaks off in huge chunks
• getting the impression of carpet in my face when floor napping
• thick yarn

-:

• dropping my keys
• pre-frothed hand soap…seriously…what is up with that…are we really that lazy?
• intolerance on any level
• Rob Lowe
• C and D cell batteries
• lemon flavoring-except lemon heads; those are okay
• planned obsolescence
• ‘mingling’
• ‘double butt’-ask me to draw it for you sometime
• zip-lock baggies
• breaking my shoelace
• pickle boy (ask me)
• Hunan Restaurant-Can’t tell if I’m in it or not…I can explain
• UPS Guy (again…ask me)
• thinking I’m going to fold corrugated cardboard with the flutes, and wind up going against the flutes…*grrr
• cell phone videos
• brown glass-there is an exception to this which is that if it contains root beer, I can deal with it
• shallow jean pockets

I’ve just exhausted myself. I’m sure I’ll think of more later.

~G

It is an interesting thing; the human condition. I’ve prided myself on trying to be as uninhibited with ‘self-truths’ as one can possibly be.When I see something is wrong, “wrong” even, I try and call it out to make it right; “right” even. People need honesty. People don’t like honesty sometimes, but they need it. They need it the same way they need to know that they are being listened to when they express themselves or when they feel the need to outlet the perpetual well that is their minds. Thank goodness for journals, blogs, diaries, etc. I just hope that one day those sorts of truths that I’ve expressed in my life will be looked back on with a sense of structure and habitual nature. Otherwise, what is the point right?

In March I’m going to Japan for Japan Shop, a retail exhibitor conference that will have many vendors available to teach and inform me of new materials, processes, and security devices that I may not have known existed otherwise. It will be good to get out of the country for a minute. In April, I am going to attend the 99% conference in NY. It will be great to have an application and a theory type of conference that close together. It will put one into the other as far as context is concerned. 2010. Quite a spatial odyssey indeed.

I am really curious to see how this year unfolds. Robots? Code? Painting?

Today was a day and a half…maybe even 2.

Until recent history, humans in temperate climates were exposed to only about six hours of daylight in the winter. In the modern world, artificial lighting reduces darkness exposure to typically eight or fewer hours per day all year round. Even low light levels inhibit melatonin production to some extent, but over-illumination can create significant reduction in melatonin production. Since it is principally blue light that suppresses melatonin,^[28] wearing glasses that block blue light^[29] in the hours before bedtime may avoid melatonin loss. Use of blue-blocking goggles the last hours before bedtime has also been advised for people who need to adjust to an earlier bedtime, as melatonin promotes sleepiness.”…Wikipedia.

It isn’t depression, just sleepiness. My inherent need to hibernate offset by my never ending need to create, dream, philosophize, and eat poorly.  I’ve recently began several personal projects. Mostly involving illustrating, concepting, and thinking…lots of thinking.

I feel like these last couple weeks I’ve spent floating. My head is full. Analyzing, critiquing, obsessing. Obsessing mostly about drawing; specifically, the act of drawing. I was in a great routine of drawing fun doodles, robots, and dreamscapes. It has become a painful truth that the wave has passed and my sense of mediocrity has become re-instilled. If you have any magic ju-ju you can send my way, please do.

Rachel is good people. I sat and talked with her for an hour on subject ranging from tactile miniature mouth kittens to signing up for adult gymnastics to lucid dreams. Fun stuff. Don, iLan, and I have begun noodling around with some game design. It will give those damn robots I started working on a little more context. That makes me both happy and sweaty.

Also- I bought some X-acto blades today. I am thinking of doing some art with construction paper, LEDs, and little 5×5 canvases. Probably robots.

This week Brie died. For those not in the know, she was 1 of four sugar gliders that Lesa and I care for. She was the most social of the bunch, and by that measure, the one that we enjoyed the most. It was really hard to find her in the corner of the cage. I held her and sat on the floor of my kitchen crying at 630 in the morning before waking up Lesa with the bad news. I buried her under a cherry blossom tree in the front of the condo.  I miss her a lot, but am very glad that she isn’t suffering anymore. I am happy to have known her.

Thanksgiving was great. iLan and Vanessa came down. We made almost the perfect amount of food with little leftovers. I made cranberry sauce and diffused the myth that there is something overly complicated in its creation. Tasty stuff.

I am distracted by the fact that I am going to end this entry and run down stairs to watch Dexter. That thrills me.

Later taters.

~G

I realize that I am slowly becoming that “guy on the porch”. I just sit there and watch traffic. Like a dog. In a wheelchair.

I decided to do an experiment tonight and force myself to go meet some people and try and have a good time. The outcome echoed that of my experience in Vegas at the party for work. I nursed my phone for lack of a drink. I met up with this awesome girl Ashley (@savvygrl) as she invited me out for a birthday party at Report Lounge. Despite my socially horrified visage, I was having a great time, be it as long as I could constantly nervously tweet about how strange I felt to be off the couch and around other people. Ginger ale and Red Bull for me. At the point I met Ashley after shying away from directly introducing myself, I retreated to an outside bench to continue my digital rant next to a parking barrel.

Mr. Barrel and I having a deep conversation about social anxiety disorders

I felt bad that Ashley kept chasing me down to pull me in. I was giving it the best effort I could without completely melting down. What people don’t seem to understand is that it isn’t about the place or the people or the music. It is about the experience. I am going to continue to try and go out more in the coming weeks to see if I can start to tear down the inhibitions I’ve apparently built for myself.

This guy was pissed! But he did a great job.

Cool photography on the inside of this joint

Here’s to crazy!

~G

One thing I do like, however, when it is kind of slow, is just seeping myself in design blogs, learning about new technology. It is a nice way of investing in myself.

Recently, I’ve linked my twitter to my facebook account. People assume that as I update, that it is coming from a facebook update. I may have to turn that off, as I am almost never on FB. Also, it is kinda funny how people who I haven’t talked to in like 10 years or more are popping up and saying hi finding me through all of my recent activity. Makes me feel a little nostalgic for Michigan and Pittsburgh. I kinda miss being in my friend’s Oldsmobile with freezing seats listening to Brick by Ben Folds or Wait by Huffamoose. Good days. (Side note-My VFB in VRAY is taking FOREVER today, ugh). I can’t wait to come home for Christmas and see some peeps. This year has been, as expected, pretty rocky. However, now with my happy head here in PDX, I’ve really learned to deal with the hard times a lot more constructively. Dealing with myself more than anything.  I’m learning that I can be pretty ridiculous. Well, I should prefix that with I’ve been learning; but yeah. My favorite part of the fall/winter season here is being able to watch the traffic downtown from my office window. I can see all the way down Broadway. As the sun sets, the road is illuminated by the passing traffic. I usually listen to some Nick Drake, Sarah McLachlan, or Esthero and wonder what people are thinking about in their cars.

Lesa made some awesome enchiladas last night. It was cute. She had a hard time wrapping the tortillas so it wound up more like a lasagna. It must be her Italian side shining through.

This weekend we are renting out a beach house on the south coast. I can’t wait to smell the air out there. Drink some tea. Draw. All good things.

The first ‘Hello World’ tutorial I did came out as expected. (below)

It is a simple draw() function that redraws from 0,0 as the program recycles. I could revise the background() command into the draw() block to have it be just a simple line that follows the mouse, but to be completely honest, I’m in a rush to be interesting with this.

I have to give yet another shout out to Robert Hodgin for his amazing projects and inspiration to take this on. As I know he is a busy guy heading up ,with Bill Lindmeier, Tbe Barbarian Group , any of the communication he was able to give me was priceless. Good people.

Anywhos, I feel like an outsider coming into this stuff. My talent lies in stating commands through direct physical representation of my intents. What I am trying to tackle is very much a metadata session. Equate it to a scientist turning into a philosopher. I think I am going to get much more than an application that generates surface out of this. Moreover, I will get a great learning experience out of it as well.

Here’s to being autodidactic.

~G

Nothing as Earth shaking as 03/6 has happened yet, but all of the expected oddities are surfacing.

• -lack of raises.
• -forced unpaid time off.
• -forced vacation.
• -family politics (Don’t expect much expansion on this)
• -lack of savings.

It is good though. I actually always come out of these years much stronger because of the trials of what happens.

To lighten things, here are some of the positives-

• -I start teaching the first week of July.
• -My bike is tuned and ready for the bike n’ shoot season.
• -My projector has a new lamp.
• -I finished all of my damn achievements in Fallout. (Can’t WAIT for the next expansion!!)
• -I am running on the weekends.
• -I am learning about home buying.
• -I had an illustration published in a local zine.
• -I was published in Cadalyst Magazine.

It would appear the positives are out-weighing the negatives. I can’t wait to see what the year throws at me. *Shakes fist at year*

I am also starting to aggressively get into surface generation in Rhino 4 via Grasshopper plug-in and also model and composite robots into photographs.

Rhino 4 by McNeel is an amazing tool. I’ve been familiar with it since my friend Don Hogan showed it to my back in death year 2003. I love the intuitiveness of the software commands and how friendly the GUI is. You can teach yourself the basic commands in about 2 days of solid study and be off to the races in no time. I render through V-Ray for Rhino from the amazing guys at ASGVIS. Shout out to Damien Alomar. He and Mich and all those folks are incredibly helpful in answering all of your questions and helping you grow.

What else?…I am at Season 5 disc 7 of Beverly Hills 90210. Slowly drifting through an ocean of suck just to do it.

Speaking of ritualistic video watching–This is very old, but I am just now hip to it. I first saw this kid’s videos through jj.am (don’t visit that site…full of nightmares). Self proclaimed stand up comedian, magician, cool moves founder, and singer Mr. DaxFlame runs a channel on youtube.com where he rants about teenage life, high school antics, and living through the eyes of a person with a beautiful imagination and infinite levels of insecurity. I really enjoy his awkwardness and complete candid nature. Over the last few days, I finished watching all 147 videos. Each video is about 4-5 minutes long. I think what really gets me is the endless undercurrent of mythology that trails behind him like a piece of toilet paper. His nom de plume is Bernice Jauch III, which later he confesses is is not in fact his real name. Many people are out to expose him as a fraud or what not. The name Madison Patrello comes up often when searching through search engines for his videos, postings, and facts. It is absolutely amazing home many people want to tear him down. I feel as though, regardless if he is[the most brilliant] an actor trying to entertain or just a painfully awkward teenager just trying to grow up and understand the world around him through broken quotes, hilarious movies, and emotional out-lettings, he is doing it for himself and to make others smile. I suppose it stuck so deeply with me to watch his videos because of how much they remind me of myself at that age. A perfect example is his video of how to save the world from ‘global warmings’ in a video he calls “A Convienent Truth” . Just the level of improvisation and wonderful naivety just reminds me of how kids assume certain things around them based upon the limited scope they have on life so far.

Kudos Mr. Flame. I applaud your truths.

As I learned from my brief stint of having the camera on me, I will stick with the keyboard and my words to my mind spill dizzy. Because words, well, “Words hurt worse than if someone froze a sledgehammer and hit your crotch over and over and if your a girl if they hit your face”-Dax Flame

Ciao

~Gabe